She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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