therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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