On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
