True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
two words: eviction party
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
