Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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