I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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