Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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