I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
