ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
