He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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