I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize