those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Every concussion has its silver lining
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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