she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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