So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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