the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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