you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
