And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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