cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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