Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was confusing and full of hummus
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
