Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
