You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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