I murdered the dance floor call the cops
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize