She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
