I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
