Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize