the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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