I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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