he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
