He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate