i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle