It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.