hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.