the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
