Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
