You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
