So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
