JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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