That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
