you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
