You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
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