your room smells of hookers.
And success
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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