I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
