Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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