you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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