I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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