I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
