what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
