you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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