I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
