Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
