4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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