Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
