i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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