You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
