did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
