So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
