he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
