you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
