I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize