i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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