covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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