wrigley field is MILF paradise
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
